Anime Idol
by gunz
Summary: It's time to select the yearly Anime Idol! Inuyasha and the rest are participating this year... Who will win? Read to find out...Warning: major character bashing...Not for the touchy at heart...


_**Anime Idol**_

Standard disclaimers. The characters in this story aside from Riku, Hiro and Rieg all do not belong to me as much as I would like them to. Life is so unfair. Warning: This fanfic bashes nearly all of the characters so if you're extremely defensive and protective of your characters or touchy, please do not read this and go ahead to exit this story. This story was created in a rush on a sugar high level. I have no grudges against any Inuyasha characters.

Characters:

Inuyasha

Sango

Kirara

Kagome

Kikyo

Myouga

Sesshoumaru

Miroku

Jaken

Riku (an extremely sleepy judge)

Hiro (the only female judge)

Rieg (an anime Simon Cowell)

'Various anime characters have gathered together for the title of "Anime Idol". Today we have Inuyasha, Sango, Kirara, Kagome, Myouga and Miroku to perform for us. All judges will be Hiro, Rieg and Riku.'

The three judges appear on the stage and head towards their seats. Hiro waves and winks at everyone she sees while Riku blinks his eyes in confusion sleepily and Reig says something along the lines of, 'You suck. You all suck. Get your bags packing and go home to your mammas.'

The announcer leaves the stage and the competitors file out in a line. They smile at the audience before heading back backstage. There is an uncomfortable pause before Hiro glares at Riku who is asleep and drooling on her shoulder. She gives him a shove but he refuses to wake up. Exasperated, Hiro takes the nearest mug to her which happens to be Reig's and empties it over Riku's head.

Reig gives her an icy dagger stare before muttering something about fucking uncivilized barbarians. Riku shrieks sleepily (A/N: Is that even possible?) and turns to glare at the smirking Hiro who has poured scalding hot coffee over him. He then decides that he feels too sleepy to argue and announces the first contestant. 'First up is Miroku.'

Miroku appears up on stage with a smirk that should have belonged to the devil plastered onto his face. In the background, music starts to play. Miroku starts a rap that was so vulgar it made Hiro blush. Miroku kept his rap up and leered at a girl sitting at the front row.

Unfortunately for him, she happens to be a lawyer and stands up yelling, 'Let's take this to court, pervert monk!'

Sesshoumaru who is working as a guard (A/N: I just couldn't picture him actually singing. Killing, yes. Singing, no.) steps in to intervene and aids the woman into tossing Miroku into a police van.

At the court

The judge happens to be a woman and Miroku foolishly asks her to give him a child. He is thrown into jail and sentenced with a term of five years for assaulting innocent citizens.

Back to the concert

As Miroku was being hauled off to court, he was disqualified. Hiro announces that the next contestant is Sango.

As Sango takes her place on stage, Sesshoumaru bursts into the room and declares Miroku's punishment. All the females in the room exhaled a sigh of relief.

Sango was so happy that he was gone. '_Now that the stupid pervert is gone, no one will touch my butt anymore! He deserves it. Nyah, nyah, nyah._' She thought gleefully. To celebrate this very happy occasion, Sango took out a pair of pom-poms from nowhere and started cheering.

Her bubble was burst soon after by Reig. 'This is a singing contest, not a talent show. Cheerleading isn't allowed. You're disqualified.'

At this, Sango's face fell. An anger vein pulsed against her forehead. Taking out her bone boomerang, she slices the heads off all the people who are sitting in the front row including the lawyer woman. Sesshoumaru grunts in annoyance and calls the police. They come soon and handcuff Sango and lead her away. She was sentenced for three years for mass slaughtering. (A/N: I know this is really mean, sentencing Miroku to five years for being a pervert and Sango only three for massacring innocents. But read on to see how I make up for it.)

Sango screams a shrill, ear-piercing shriek that can give anyone goosebumps and make anyone's hair stand on end as she realizes that she is in the same cell as the lecherous Miroku.

The next contestant was Kikyo and she was disqualified because dead people weren't allowed to participate. Being dead, Kikyo had no emotions and did not react. Instead, she faded into the stage curtains.

The next contestant up was Kagome. She started singing and everyone ducked for cover. Inuyasha took his sword out at the backstage and tried to slash at the sound waves around him. Cracks formed in the glass windows, threatening to shatter. Riku moaned in pain and fished the marshmallows out of his hot chocolate and stuffed them in his ears before trying to go to sleep again.

Inuyasha managed to stop Kagome by stuffing the mike into her mouth. She choked for a while before taking it out and yelling at him to sit. Inuyasha crashed into the stage floor, leaving a crater at the spot where he was previously standing.

The judges looked heavenward and lifted their hands up as if in prayer. Hiro gulped and Riku dozed off into slumber again. 'That was absolutely fantastic.' Reig said sarcastically.

There was no overlooking the underlying tone of sarcasm in his voice and yet somehow Kagome did. 'Really? Was I that good?'

Reig rolled his eyes and said, 'No. You were that bad.'

Kagome's lips trembled before she burst into tears and dashed backstage. Unseen to the judges, a tiny dot similar to a full stop hopped onto the stage and approached the mike which was left on the floor neglected as Kagome had thrown it down in her dash to make it to behind the stage. Myouga took a deep breath and started to sing.

Of course, no matter how powerful the mike was, Myouga simply could not be heard. He was only the size of a fat flea of course so his voice box was exceedingly small. Jaken who was doing the lighting of the stage spotted him. (A/N: Jaken's the only one who can spot Myouga because of his really, really HUGE eyes.)

Jaken opened his mouth and a long sticky tongue flew out and seized Myouga. (A/N: He does look kinda of like a frog.) He had poor Myouga in his mouth when he was disgusted at how disgusting Myouga tasted and spat Myouga out on the floor before stamping on Myouga. To his even greater disgust, what was left of Myouga stuck to his foot in between his toes.

He scraped his foot against a chair near to him. TheMyouga mess stuck onto the chair and stayed there. Hiro frowned. 'It seems that Myouga is absent so he shall be disqualified.'

Trying to lighten the atmosphere, Hiro broke into a smile and said, 'Our next contestant is Inuyasha!'

The audience clapped and Inuyasha stepped on stage. He picked up the mike on the floor and started to rap. His confidence impressed Hiro and she held her breath in anticipation only to let it out in disappointment.

Inuyasha was going, 'Feh, feh, feh….feh, feh, feh.' The judges and audience sweat dropped. Reig interrupted Inuyasha. 'You're just muttering a one-syllable word over and over again.'

Upset at being interrupted, Inuyasha raised an eyebrow and said, 'So?'

'So…you can't do that.'

'I just did,' Inuyasha retorted.

'And you'll be disqualified. Redo your song again; you're lucky I'm giving you a second chance.'

Red with anger, Inuyasha started hiccupping just as the song started. 'Hic, hic, hic…hic, hic, hic.'

As a result, Inuyasha was disqualified. With nearly all of their contestants disqualified, the judges were getting desperate. At least Reig and Hiro were; Riku was still asleep. Their dilemma was stopped by a soft mewing. Kirara was batting at the mike curiously and mewing at the same time. When she saw the approval of the judges, she purred in delight.

Hiro listened in amusement. 'Solo and unaccompanied by any instruments. I say that this is a winner. The award goes to…' Hiro peered at the tag on the collar around Kirara's collar. 'Kirara,' she finished.

Kirara was handed the trophy and she used it to keep her sardines inside, making it smell horribly fishy.

A/N: Yeah, so that's it. Review or flame, whatever. Just know that I'll probably ignore the flames. If my fanfic sucked so bad that it was beyond flaming and words cannot express it, that's because I got the inspiration during math class and my ideas were twisted by the occasional boring drone of my math teacher as he nagged at me for daydreaming and laughing hysterically in math class.


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